Worse are the goals that require dice rolls to match the symbols of randomly drawn cards or tiles, such as with fishing. Rolling dice with friends is typically a good time in other games, but these dice are printed with icons in an uneven manner that punishes more than rewards, with things like blank sides or simply weighted towards a particular shitty outcome. For the next three to five hours (depending on player count), your group will knuckle down to negotiate efficient distributions of tasks about the town such as rolling dice to fish, farm, mine and open geodes. These typically involve finding a specific good that will be discovered through die rolls or random card drawing in that resource’s given location. Each player will forecast and coordinate where they are headed around town, with the singular purpose of ticking off these ten fetch quests. Play proceeds cooperatively, with players having two actions per turn. Make no mistake, you big loser, this game hates you and your every advantage will be fleeting. If the year ends and any objectives remain outstanding, you unlock a feature new to Stardew Valley – abject fucking failure. Drawn from a random assortment, players must fulfil all four of grandpa’s dying wishes for his farm, as well as fulfilling six hidden objectives to restore the town’s community centre. Starting in Spring, seasons roll by every four rounds until Winter ends and the game concludes. In a standard game of Stardew Valley: The Board Game, you and up to three other players will be tasked with fulfilling ten objectives over the course of 16 rounds. It is a shock then to realise that this hotly anticipated tabletop adaptation from original developer ConcernedApe is instead a gruelling slot machine of a game that takes no prisoners and revels in your failures. The wide appeal of a far-flung farming fantasy devoid of the horrors of climate change and politics means that this title has also worked as a kind of relaxing balm for tired gamers of all walks – the videogame equivalent of an anti-depressant. ![]() A farming and life simulator that pines for the nostalgia of the classic Harvest Moon games, players are set up with a farm left behind by grandpa in the titular valley. Stardew Valley is a beloved name around these parts at WellPlayed and has become something of a heartwarming indie darling since it launched in 2016.
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